request line
MESSAGE FROM FRIEND:
I’d like to suggest the following as the subject of your next blog: how the romantic gestures of women compared to mens (both IRL and in movies) never end up like they’re supposed to.
Romantic gestures ruined my life like,
Curly
****
Dear Curly,
Let me begin by saying that it took me a long time to figure out what “IRL” stood for. Now that I know it means “in real life” I can proceed.
Actually. I lied. I don’t know if I can proceed.
I’m bad at talking about romance. Mostly because I’m bad at romance. Mostly because romance requires a certain level of coyness. And I’ve never taken a coy approach to love.
When I’m into a guy, I literally walk up to him and tell him so. No room for romance. All business. Either you recognize that I’m the best fucking thing that will ever happen to you, or you die cold, lonely, and in the fetal position.
You decide.
But back to your initial question.
Why do romantic gestures always end in failure?
Because people want to be romantic and cool at the same time. And it just won’t happen.
You can’t stand outside someone’s window with a boombox over you head blasting Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” and still pretend like you’re a laid-back dude that just wants to hang out.
It’s one or the other.
Either you go for the romance full-throttle and get over your obsessive need to look cool…
Or you die cold, lonely and in the fetal position.
So to answer your question (jesus am i even doing that?)…if romantic gestures are failing its because someone is still trying to look cool.
Stop that.
Stop being cool and be John Cusack.
Better Than Delilah like,
Me
