mighty weighty matey!
I had a conversation with a particular man-friend yesterday.
He’s generally a decent dude.
His fatal flaw, however, is that he frequently uses the word “F@g” in conversation.
The ease with which he uses this word has always bothered me to the core.
Yesterday, I finally decided to speak up about it.
***
We got into an in-depth discussion about the word.
He claims it has nothing to do with gay men.
“It’s interchangeable with douche-bag.”
Oddly enough I told him that whenever he uses the “F” word, it has the effect of making him look like a douche-bag instead.
He seemed sincerely surprised by that.
***
A few years ago, a girl called me a “sand n*gger?”
Moments later she resumed some semblance of civility and responded, “I’m so sorry for saying that. I swear I’m not a racist.”
***
Let me say a thing or two about the weight of words.
From my experience, whenever a white person says the “n” word, or a straight person uses the “f” word, they say something like this….
“What’s the big deal? It’s just a word.”
They are completely incapable of recognizing the power that the slur has.
However.
When you throw another word back at them.
“Racist”
“Homophobe”
“Ignorant”
They go fucking nuts.
“I’M NOT A RACIST! WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME THAT? I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS! I’M NOT A RACIST!”
Apparently they completely understand the weight and strength of the word “racist” but they aren’t able to extend that logic to the weight and strength of the word “n*gger.”
***
Going back to my man-friend who says “f@g” on a regular basis.
I asked him to explain to me what he meant when he said it.
He struggled.
He assured me, however, that in no way did it mean anything about gay male sex.
“Like…if you see a guy holding hands with his girlfriend…ya know…..he’s a f@g. You tell him to stop acting like a f@g.”
***
Which brings me to something else.
The term “f@g” is not only offensive to gay men. It’s offense to women.
Whenever a man uses the term to emasculate a man for doing something that is “stereotypically” feminine, he’s insulting women.
***
This same man-friend then charmed me with his theory on female corporate world.
He told me that no matter what…women aren’t welcome in the corporate sphere because men would coddle them instead of really working with them.
He said, “I can’t work the same if a woman is there. I don’t want to make a woman cry.”
It took the strength of an ox for me not to laugh in his face.
There is nothing….nothing at all…that this kid could do to make me cry. Or any woman for that matter.
I’ve never met a less intimidating person in my life.
***
So this is what I have to say to the man-friend and all others who think and act like him.
You’re impressing absolutely no one with your pseudo-macho bullshit.
When you use language like “f@g” you come off as uneducated and insecure.
When you mouth off your theories about how women “just don’t have what it takes” to make it in a male-dominated field, you’re not proving anything except that you’re scared shitless.
***
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better like,
Me
